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[18 Jun 2006|01:03am] |
new livejournal
whatisthisfunny
add it
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| This is my last post in this journal |
[31 May 2006|02:25am] |
I was looking back on my entries from 11th grade and I didnt recognize that person.
I am now entering into the last day of my freshman year of college.
I am a completely different person now than I was then.
Of course, this is to be expected. 3 years in the life of a teenager can bring about a lot of change.
This will be my 864th entry and my last in this journal.
I can no longer relate to anything I have written from my highschool days.
I know it was only a year ago, but I feel that everything around me has changed and that I have entered into a new stage of my life.
I am not really sure what this new stage is, but that is wha the new journal will be for: discussing who I am now and where I am going with my life.
I am sure I will figure it out over the summer.
Everything at home is different now. My best friends from last summer are no longer best friends. I don't see one of them much when I am home and the other is throwing their life away with drugs.
I don't know how to deal with that and it makes me so upset that I can't breathe.
I now have one of the most reliable and loyal best friends I have ever had. I love her more than anything.
Things at Bennington have changed a lot even though I have only been here for a year.
I quit trying to keep bullshit friends and stopped being nice to people just for the sake of being nice.
I have gone from trying to hang out with everyone to hanging out with the people in my house and a few other really good friends in other houses.
I have changed what I want to study twice in the past year and I finally feel comfortable in my decision on studying digital and media arts.
I picked up smoking a bout a year ago and in the past few months have quit for about a total of a month.
I relapsed today because I got really depressed from nicotine withdrawals but I am going on Zyban as soon as i get home because I really want to quit
I dont like having something control my life like this
Overall, I have gone from a joyous optimistic outlook on life to more realistic but still really happy disposition.
I have finally found a group of people at home that I genuinely like and love
It is no longer miserable for me to be there
My parents seem to be trusting me more with more freedoms but my mother still hates that i am gay
I have come to accept this though and I know she will more than likely never get over it
She has chosen to be excluded from most of the personal details of my life and she is now just an aquaintance that pays for my college
It is sad, but I have dealt with it and am happy with what I have
In fact, I've never been more grateful for everything I have.
I leave you with a quote from Long Day's Journey Into Night by Eugene O'Neill
MARY
I suppose life has made him like that, and he can't help it. None of us can help the things life has done to us. They're done before you realize it, and once they're done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you'd like to be, and you've lost your true self forever."
This is the most heartbreaking line from anything I have ever read. At the point of starting this journal, I would have agreed. I felt hopeless and helpless to life's circumstances and did nothing but whine about what was happening to me. Now, I realize that life can give us hard things to deal with, but it is up to us to rise above it and be the best we can be. We might not be the perfect, idealized version of ourselves that we want, be we can be good people who do the best with what we have. So as beautiful as that line is, it is also bullshit.
I know this entry was all over the place and I tried to sum up too much time in too little words, but I hope you can make something out of it.
(Whenever I make my new livejournal, I will put a link here so you can find it)
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[30 May 2006|08:40pm] |
you are dead to me
fucking cokehead
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[28 May 2006|04:08am] |
10 reasons why tonight was one of the best nights of my lfie
1. Drunk
2. Baby Shoes
3. Lauren Reynolds and Tanner carrying me around first street
4. Festival in downtown bennington
5. Best house/dance party of the year
6. Other people being way too drunk
7. Seeing Emma Manion and Ashley Hannah fall all over the place while dancing
8. Lots of attractive people
9. Hung Up
10. Trailer Park get together
two things i didnt want to see
1. tits
2. naked dirty hippies
and i leave you with pictures of ( felstival )
html is hard when drunk
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[17 May 2006|03:17pm] |
yay!
registration was today
and everything worked out
i got into video which is the hardest class to get into here
some people had to be on the waiting list for a year to get into it
so here is my schedule
intro to video
tues 2 - 6
lab on wed 7 - 9
normality and abnormality
mon and wed 2 - 3:30
logic machines
mon and wed 10:15 - 11:45
lab on wed 4 - 5:45
projects in community dispute resolution
thurs 1 - 4
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[13 May 2006|12:37pm] |
everything is perfect
not really
but its the best its going to be
which is all i ask for
ive been deathly ill for the past 4 days but today i woke up with a normal temperature and my body aches are minimal
i havent been sick in forever so i really thought i was going to die
my schedule is finally working out
as long as i get into video
which i think i will because only 15 people signed up to be in the class
laura is interviewing us on tuesday to decide who she wants
i am also taking special projects in community dispute
i will get to co-mediate in court every thursday
so fucking awesome
and i will be able to continue working with the gay-straight alliance in town and create/implement a program
hopefully with the help of Bennington Pride
april didnt kill me for missing her class either
which i didnt expect
she was actually very nice and told me just to catch up by the end of the term
i have a paper to write for steven but it wont be that hard
i have a lot of reading to do for him
but i love eugene o'neill so it wont be a big deal
i was so stressed out about catching up with my work but it looks like it will be all right
i just have to spend all day today doing work which wont be bad because nothing is going on
there are only 17 days left in this term and its so exciting
im so ready to go home and just be carefree for a while
and to finally have the time to be serious about getting in shape
and to seriously quit smoking for good
summer 2006 is the summer for self-betterment
matt = one happy camper
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| best conversation ive ever had on AIM |
[06 May 2006|02:11am] |
New conversation started at 5/4/06 9:23:14 PM.
power of flail (9:23:14 PM): my nuts are warm for you
NerdUprising (9:23:28 PM): MMMM
power of flail (9:23:56 PM): yes yes i want to put them in my cereal
NerdUprising (9:24:08 PM): a wise decision
power of flail (9:24:27 PM): im glad you approve fuckboy
NerdUprising (9:24:49 PM): +50pts. for creativity on that one *tips hat*
power of flail (9:25:23 PM): do you agree with birthright?
NerdUprising (9:25:58 PM): you know that in your icon you look like eva schmidt from above? with purple hair? and a migraine?
power of flail (9:26:49 PM): no i didnt know that
NerdUprising (9:27:01 PM): now you do, fuckboy.
power of flail (9:27:24 PM): im not a boy
power of flail (9:27:29 PM): im a MAN
NerdUprising (9:27:36 PM): pfff
NerdUprising (9:27:41 PM): not yet, sweetcheeks.
NerdUprising (9:27:48 PM): :-*
power of flail (9:27:56 PM): 4pm tomorrow. im gonna rape you
NerdUprising (9:28:11 PM): --> ( ( )
power of flail (9:29:08 PM): no
power of flail (9:29:31 PM): so i really like my job at the apple store
power of flail (9:29:38 PM): but i want to have sex with you on the counter of the help desk
NerdUprising (9:29:45 PM): my ultimate fantasy
NerdUprising (9:29:51 PM): so long as I get some free gear afterwards
NerdUprising (9:30:02 PM): like a post-coital sandwich, only I can check email on that sandwich
power of flail (9:30:20 PM): i quit
power of flail (9:30:25 PM): i was trying to make it look like it was roxy
power of flail (9:30:27 PM): but it is me
power of flail (9:30:30 PM): eeric conroe
NerdUprising (9:31:08 PM): oh good! you got a new sn! great, lets do what we were going to do tonight right now
NerdUprising (9:31:13 PM): and jizz on matt's door
power of flail (9:31:26 PM): ewww but hes gay
power of flail (9:31:42 PM): and plus, matt died earlier today and you should feel terrible
NerdUprising (9:31:59 PM): i know, which is why we should jizz on his door - because he is gay and we should pay our respects
power of flail (9:32:18 PM): yeah so i cant top that
power of flail (9:32:28 PM): i concede
NerdUprising (9:32:42 PM): well played, well played
power of flail (9:32:51 PM): tallyho
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[05 May 2006|02:46am] |
a lot has happened
but not much has changed
i didnt get house chair
but its all right
dave and i are living together next term
which will be fun
if we keep his room, our suite will be amazing
me, sally, andrew, dave and christina
my schedule will completely suck next term
on wednesdays, i will have class from 10:15 am until 9pm
i think i will take italian since i am definately going to florence for a term
although i wish they taught slovic languages here for my term in prague
life is generally good and im ready for summer
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[30 Apr 2006|03:13am] |
if tonight could be summed up in pictures taken from my computer then......
( well what do ya know... )
also
alcohol violation number 2
quad reunion party
maggie
relapse into smoking
house chair interview
etc etc etc
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